1. Good Vibrations
For years medical science diagnosed horny women as ‘hysterical’. The treatment was for a doctor to use his fingers to masturbate the lady concerned to give her some relief (unthinkable that she should do it herself!). The problem was that a doctor with many women patients could eventually develop what would become known as carpel tunnel syndrome. To provide relief to the sawbones who was providing relief to the ladies, some genius invented the electric vibrator. It quickly became the bestselling household appliance.
2. Otto’s Farts
After the end of WWII the father of Anne Frank (pictured) edited and published the young girl’s diary of her family’s time hiding from the Nazis. The book became and remains an immense bestseller. Herr Frank ensured, however, that the published diary did not contain the long passages in which the pubescent Anne talk about her periods, her labia, and her growing feeling about boys. He also excised the many entries in which Anne recorded her father’s love of a good fart joke.
3. Ben’s ‘Bath’
Benjamin Franklin was undoubtedly a polymath. Inventor, philosopher, politician, postmaster, scientist, revolutionary, statesman, and diplomat. He also was a man of his time, and back in the eighteenth century, they had some strange ideas. Mr Franklin liked nothing better than to take an ‘air bath’. This consisted of stripping naked and sitting for hours in front of an open widow, letting the breeze play around his nether regions. Franklin believed that this was cleansing enough, and that he took fewer water baths as a result.
4. Johnson’s Johnson
Lyndon Baines Johnson was fond of using his body to intimidate those who opposed or resisted him. Quite apart from ‘the treatment’ seen in the photo above being given by the president to Abe Fortas, it was quite common for LBJ to call aides in to talk to him while he was sitting on the toilet doing his business. Most famously, when incessantly pressed by journalists was to why he had sent US troops to Vietnam, the president of the United States whipped out his penis, which he had named ‘Jumbo’, and said, ‘This is why!’. Alpha male, anyone?
5. Wolfgang’s Obsession
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is arguably the greatest composer in history. His symphonies, operas, and masses are loved by millions and studied by all serious musicians. The genius had a lighter side, however. He composed several R Rated pieces about anallingus, the most beloved of which is called ‘Leck mich im Arsch’, which translates as ‘Lick my Ass’. Rarely see that one played by the New York Philharmonic.
6. Randy Popes
Celibacy has long been a requirement for Catholic priests. And one would like to think that the Pope was the most chaste of a chaste priesthood. This has not always been the case. Until relatively recently, it was common for Popes to have children, in fact Alexander VI made his son, Cesare Borgia a cardinal. No fewer than four popes have died while having sex. In 707 Pope John VII died after the husband of the woman he was having sex with caught them together and beat him to death. Pope Leo VII died in 939 of a heart attack while boning his mistress. In 964 John XII suffered the same fate as his earlier namesake, he was killed by a jealous husband while in bed with his mistress. And according to some reports, in 1471 Pope Paul II suffered a fatal seizure while being sodomized by a page boy.
7. What a Beast
Capital punishment in the territory that became the United States dates to 1642. In that year, the unfortunate Thomas Granger became the first person executed in the American Colonies. His crime was listed on the death warrant as ‘buggery with a mare, a cow, a sheep, two calves, and a turkey.’ Sounds like he had quite a Thanksgiving!
8. Harding’s Jerry
Warren Harding, the 29th president of the United States had a mistress, Carrie Phillips,for 15 years prior to him becoming president. The affair ended when she blackmailed him during his successful presidential campaign. During their affair, the then Senator Harding wrote some pretty impassioned letters to his girl. These now are in the Library of Congress and contain such wonderful passages as:
“Jerry – you recall Jerry, whose cards I once sent you to Europe – came in while I was pondering your notes in glad reflection, and we talked about it. He was strongly interested, and elated and clung to discussion. He told me to say that you are the best and darlingest in the world, and if he could have but one wish, it would be to be held in your darling embrace and be thrilled by your pink lips that convey the surpassing rapture of human touch and the unspeakable joy of love’s surpassing embrace. I cordially agree with all he said. Perhaps it is not important maybe it is not even interesting, but he is devotedly, exclusively, for you.”
Now read that again, bearing in mind this time that ‘Jerry’ was the future president’s nickname for his erection.
9. Auto Erotica Pilot
The Auto Pilot was invented by Lawrence Sperry in 1914. It has, undoubtedly, saved hundreds of lives across the years allowing pilots to get rest, or to deal with problems on board without having to worry about maintaining level flight. It seems, however that Mr Sperry had other purposes in mind for his invention. While flying a Curtiss Flying Boat at an altitude of 500 feet above Long Island in 1916, he used the autopilot to allow him to give some personal flying instruction to Cynthia Polk. However, as things got heated, they accidently disengaged the autopilot and the plane crashed into Great South Bay. The pair were fished from the water, stark naked, by some duck hunters. Sperry tried to claim that their clothes had been torn from them during the crash. The crash was reported by one New York Tabloid with the headline ‘Aerial Petting Ends in Wetting’.
10. Anton van Leeuwenhoek’s Little People.
Born in 1632, Anton van Leeuwenhoek is considered to be the father of microbiology. Taking the newly invented microscope, he studied pond water and discovered microorganism, and pioneered the study of microbial life. However, his curiosity did not stop there. One of the first things he looked at microscopically was his own semen. It was understood that semen was necessary for the creation of life but how it worked remained a mystery. Producing at least enough to cover a slide, Leeuwenhoek peered into the mysteries of this bodily fluid, and expected to see little humans swimming around, waiting to be implanted in a mother. It must have been quite a shock to see the true form of human sperm.