15 people reveal the lies they’ve been telling their spouses

Confession frees the soul. The fifteen spouses below took to the internet to tell strangers the lies they won’t confess to their partners. Some of these are lies to spare feelings, and some are doozies. Some are touching, and some are cringeworthy.

If you think any of the lies below are ones that were told to you, you may want to have a chat with your beloved (all were edited for punctuation and spelling errors).

15. He hates her parents, but we kind of do, too.
Redditor Kumesana reports: “If lying by omission counts, probably letting her believe I don’t have as much problem with her parents as she does. Like hell I don’t; they’re useless and neglected her all her life. But as she trusted me a little too much, I didn’t want to influence what she thought about them. She needs to take her own decisions

14. The lie we all tell.
KayBeeToys told Reddit that she tells her husband, “I don’t care what we watch on television.”

13. “Oh. Wow. A t-shirt of YOUR NFL team. Great.”
Writer Lucy Clarke tells her husband “I loved the gift you gave me,” even though he has yet to figure out what she likes. It’s the thought that counts??

12. “Delicious!*” *spits in napkin

Redditor Middaysun says he told his wife
“that her cooking was fine, even great. She didn’t learn to cook/bother to be interested in it until ~3-4 years into the relationship. Then she wanted to learn it. By now, she does okay, but the way there was a struggle. Simply because the one quality, besides a working sense of taste/smell that you need in cooking, is patience. And that is not part of her personality.

As a result, the meals she cooked initially put my ability to smile through tears to the test; and I am quite proud of my managing to belt out praises of her cooking amidst my body’s silent screams of of GAAAAH AAAAAAH GAAAAH IT’S BAAAD MY MOUUUTH MY BEAUTIFUL MOUUUUTH RAAAAAAH MAKE IT STAAAAHP GAAAAAAH!”

11. Happily tormenting her husband for years.
Borkborkporkbork told Reddit: “You know that rhyme, ‘On top of spaghetti all covered in cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed’? I’ve always told him that everyone I knew grew up singing ‘On top of spaghetti all covered with sauce, I lost my poor meatball when somebody coughed.’

It absolutely INFURIATES him, and I keep insisting that that’s the way everybody says it, and he’s weird. I tell him it makes way more sense for spaghetti to be covered in sauce rather than just cheese. He even called his mom once and she said that she had no idea. I think it’s absolutely hilarious, and he hates it, and doubts himself a little more each time. I’m even going to teach it to our kids that way just to f*ck with him.”

10. Nope. Nobody should have to put up with this.
Finalcircles told an outraged Reddit that he tells his wife, “I don’t mind the racist comments your family says about me to my face.”

9. Well, this is a sh*tty lie.
Redditor Anaccounta confesses: “While we were still dating, we went on a camping trip in Banff. While hiking one day, I was carrying his iPhone to take photos. We separated for a few minutes for a bathroom break, and after meeting up, we realized I didn’t have his phone anymore.

We retraced our steps for an hour looking for where I might’ve set it down or dropped it along the trail — no luck. We drove around to find the park station and police stations to report the lost phone. I apologized profusely and felt really awful….

But what I never said is that I actually knew where the phone was — it fell out of my back pocket into the latrine toilet. I know because I went back and checked, Yep, it was down in the muck hole. I even poked it with a stick to make sure, but I couldn’t get it out. I was too embarrassed to tell, though, so I just pretended I’d lost it.

The topic has come up several times over the years as a funny story of how uncareful I am with valuables, but I’ve never told the real story yet. Waiting for another few years….”

8. Well, you’re a dude, so we kind of all know this.
Redditor Blacksmith_LLC lies to his wife that “I don’t want to have sex with any of her friends.”

7. He’s taller in her heart.

5konini told Reddit this adorable story:
“Around 35 years ago, my now husband and I had to measure each other for a form we were filling in. We are exactly the same height, 5 feet 3 inches. I decided to give him a little ego boost and added an extra inch so he was taller than me. To this day, he genuinely believes that is his correct height.”

6. Well. That’s a thing that happened.
A Redditor who deleted his name reported: “Told her a female friend was just a friend. Which was only sort of true. I never thought of her as anything more than a friend, but I had sex with her so many times, I probably didn’t beat that total number with my wife until recently.”

5. Another well worn lie.
Redditor MyBobaFetish told her husband “that his mother’s meddling doesn’t get to me ‘that much’.”

4. Ah, Halo addicts.
Marriedmansthrowaway told Reddit, “My wife and I have 3 children: 2 boys and a girl. Our oldest is named John. My wife must never know that I named our kid after Master Chief.”

3. This is a lie of self preservation.
Dionne B. told The Stir: “I am a saver, my husband is a spender. I have a secret savings account that he doesn’t know about. I just like the security of having a bigger cushion, and I don’t want him to know, because he’d just want to spend it on something.”

2. Hoo, boy.
Redditor Rose-a-ree told his wife, “‘No honey, I never watch porn.’ She doesn’t like the objectification of women, and most of the porn I watch doesn’t have women, so it’s probably ok.”

But this is a “lie” of love.

Marinaisgo told Reddit of her sweet husband: “The one lie of our relationship was mutually agreed upon: that I am physically stronger than him.

He’s a big guy, and I’m a short lady with a history of physical abuse. I love how big he is, but it also scared me a little when we first got together, so we decided that our one big lie would be that I’m a lot stronger than he is.

Every once in awhile he’ll thank me for taking care of something (the trash, a jar, our dog) by saying he’s so glad he has someone strong like me around. Or if I can’t carry something, the reason he takes it is that his arms are longer, not that it’s too heavy.

It’s so stupid, but I like it so much.”

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