All relationships take work and work takes effort and time. So if you want your romantic relationship to last then you’re going to have to take the time to put in the work required to keep it going. If you get too comfortable in your partnership you will not even notice it falling apart until it’s too late so take note of the surefire ways to kill the romance and do your best to not let them happen.
1. Letting yourself go.
There is a huge difference between being comfortable with your partner and letting yourself go. Wearing sweats or old ratty clothes to do chores is far different than gaining 50 pounds, forgetting to shave and having chronic B.O. When you start behaving like your appearance no longer matters you may just get treated like you don’t matter.
2. Fighting rather than discussing.
If it becomes easier to just yell and fight with your partner than talking to them like a respected equal they will begin to shut down and end up staying away from you. If you want to kill a good thing just start yelling all the time.
3. Putting everyone else first.
As our relationships age so do the other people in our lives so it becomes quite easy to put the needs of children and aging parents ahead of our partners. Don’t do that. While you may need to run a kid to practice or take grandma to the doctor you must always find time to be with and do things for your significant other if you want them to feel loved and appreciated.
4. Letting the house go.
No matter how much you work outside the house you both need to do your share inside the home as well. No one wants to get romantic in a dirty house. At least one of you will be thinking about the dishes or the laundry when you should be thinking about each other. So run the vacuum, do the dishes and keep the dust down to a dull roar if you want romance to have your full attention.
5. Holding your phone closer than your mate.
It’s hard to want to snuggle with someone who has their face in a phone all the time. Romance takes two people who pay attention to each other. You can’t do that if you’re constantly glued to your phone.
6. Scheduling time for sex.
You cannot schedule romance or sex. There is nothing romantic about a scheduled romp. You may want to schedule alone time to be together to watch a movie or eat or just talk but do not ever schedule sex. Sex is supposed to happen naturally and there is nothing natural about putting it on your “to do” list.
7. Comparing your lover to others.
If you want to kill romance then just compare the person you’re with to other people. Don’t ask them why they don’t do something like someone else. And it’s never a good idea to bring up past romantic partners as an example for them to follow.
8. Having a family bed.
Once in a while a child needs to sleep in their parent’s bed. Maybe they’re sick or had a nightmare and need some comfort. These are supposed to be rare times and end when a child becomes old enough to learn how to comfort themselves. When parents decide to move junior into their bed on a fulltime basis the ability to share much needed alone time becomes nearly impossible. Kids need to know that mom and dad have a right to be alone together at night.
9. Always needing to win.
Being competitive is human nature and has helped our species evolve but there is a limit to how much “winning” you need to do in your relationship. When you have to win at everything including arguing there is a good chance your romance will be the loser. No one wants to be with someone who has to be the best at everything all the time.
10. Bringing up the past.
Have your argument, settle your differences and move on for real. Don’t hold on to the past only to throw it in your partner’s face every time there is a problem. If you can’t let the past go then the future looks pretty dim.
11. Eating at different times.
It may sound silly but eating together brings people closer. If you have different schedules then you’ll need to make time to eat at least one meal a day together. There is nothing like sitting there, together, face to face just talking and discussing the day while you share a meal. It’s not just something you need to do as a family but as a couple as well. Move some stuff in your schedule around if you have to but make time to spend meal time together.
12. Being a workaholic.
There is a big difference between working to provide and working all the time because it’s more like an addiction. Some people feel like their work is the most important thing they do. They are more proud of their job title than their family member title. It would be hard to believe that you’ll be on your deathbed one day regretting that you didn’t spend more time at work.
13. Having different interests.
We’ve all done it. We pretend to like what the other person likes just so we can spend time with them. Sadly as your relationship ages your ability to pretend you like the same stuff goes away. It’s very important to make sure there are at least a few things that you like to do together if you want to have a chance at lasting past the time that you’re willing to pretend.
14. Having an addiction.
Nothing kills the romance faster than bringing addiction into a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s food, gambling, drugs or alcohol. When one person becomes consumed by self-destructive behaviors the romance will end quicker than a quarter mile horse race.
15. Social Media.
Yep. I went there. If one partner spends more time on their social media account(s) than with their romantic partner there is a good chance the ignored person will wander away emotionally. If you want to keep the romance alive then spend your spare time ‘liking’ your partner rather than random pages on the internet.