18 Hilarious Tweets that Perfectly Sum Up Fatherhood

1.
https://twitter.com/fathers_can_hug/status/886312851551510531

Parents say a lot of things over and over. For example, I just said "Please don't pull Daddy's pants down in public." for the 500th time.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 24, 2016

When I asked 5yo if he ate bkfast he said "I threw it in the garbage" & there it was, next to any illusions I'd had abt enjoying fatherhood.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 5, 2016

Being a dad means always being a shoulder to cry on.

And wipe your nose on.

And spit up on.

I'm basically just a human napkin.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2016

One thing I definitely underestimated when I first became a father was the great amount of joy embarrassing my kids would bring me.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 10, 2015

I've done a lot of negotiations in my career, but none harder than convincing my son the red cup is just as good as the orange one #DadLife

— Joe Martin 🧤 (@joeDmarti) May 13, 2017

Used to think I had a tendency to be overdramatic about things. Then I put shoes on a toddler who wanted to be barefoot. #dadlife

— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) June 6, 2017

8.
https://twitter.com/singletary/status/875103900440907777?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2Fentry%2Fhilarious-tweets-that-sum-up-dadlife_us_5941643ae4b09ad4fbe4e333

Dinner time with toddlers is simply figuring out what kind of food you're going to cook and throw away. #dadlife

— Aaron (@AaronSaufley) June 14, 2017

10.

Standing at my teeshirt drawer like, which milk-rag do I want to wear for the next three days #paternityleave #dadlife

— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) May 23, 2016

11.

My daughter took my phone when I wasn't looking and now I'm missing an app. I have no idea which one. #dadlife

— Chunky And Friends (@chunkynfriends) June 12, 2017

12.

doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas"
me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat]
dad: [opens one eye]

— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) July 13, 2015

13.

5: daddy can I tell you a secret?

Me: sure thing buddy

5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 9, 2015

14.

I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014

Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”

— colonel rob fee (@robfee) March 3, 2015

7: I'm beating you!

Me: Ok.

7: I'm way ahead!

Me: I see that.

7: I'm gonna win!

Me:….

My son on the carousel horse in front of me.

— Master of Mediocrity (@charliedelta7) March 13, 2016

17.

My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 10, 2013

18.

My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.

— eric (@ericsshadow) March 25, 2016