Non-criminal sociopathy seems to be an epidemic these days, right? It’s less likely that people are actually worse than they ever have been in human history, and more likely that we just meet a wider array of folks than we did in previous centuries. It’s inevitable that we’re being exposed to more horrible men.
With social media and, more importantly, dating apps a part of our daily lives, our chances to meet and, God forbid, date terrible people has gone up exponentially. Here are some things those nasty men might say if they were completely upfront on the first date.
7. “I’m just here to have sex with you, then never see you again.”
Yes, there are women who also use dating apps for casual hook ups. But most women are wired to find a more permanent mate. Lots of men browse dating apps like the rest of us browse Amazon. They just want to see what they can get, as cheaply as they can get it, and move on their merry way.
The best way to avoid being this guy’s prey is to never sleep with someone on a first date. That way, when he disappears because you were “frigid”, you can just chalk him up as a jerk and move on.
But if you were charmed and decided to be vulnerable with him, don’t think there’s something wrong with you if he never texts you again. This “gentleman” has probably done this before, and will do it again. He’s not looking for a connection; he’s looking for a conquest.
6. “I love seeing you and will continue to see you, the girl I told you was my ex, and this other girl I just met.”
Then there’s the guy that makes you feel like a million bucks every time you see him. The problem is, he makes all the other women he’s dating feel like a million bucks, too.
This is a guy who seems very nice and super attentive, but feels variety is the spice of life. Unlike the last guy we discussed, this guy doesn’t ghost. He strings along.
5. “I am incredibly needy and will turn you into my second mother and suck you dry.”
This sensitive-appearing soul loves love, is totally seeking a commitment, and will freak out if you don’t text him back immediately…even if you’re at work, or it’s 2 A.M. He loves you so much he can’t live without you, you see.
Eventually, this person will start feeling more like your young son than your boyfriend. He will need you to constantly reassure him you love him, help him out with tasks most grown adults can perform, and pout or even threaten to hurt himself if you try to move on.
4. “When you date me, you have to understand that my mother will always come before you.”
At first, it will seem really sweet. Who doesn’t want to date a man who respects and reveres his mother? Normal care and love for one’s mother is wonderful.
Then, you’ll notice that he drops dates with you to do things for her — regularly. You only visit her house, never your mother’s. Her statements about you are read as Biblical canon by him. She may even be invited to vacations with both of you.
If it feels like there are three people in the relationship, you’re not wrong. You’re dating him AND his mother, and she wears the pants.
3. “I am not afraid of commitment at all, or of criticizing you for every single thing that slightly annoys me.”
You can rely on this man. He won’t cheat on you, and he may even marry you. But he also has no idea when to stop picking on you.
“Don’t you know how to cook?” You studied at the Culinary Institute of America, but he hates mushrooms. “You missed a spot,” he says, when you’ve been on your hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom tile (but got interrupted by a client phone call). “Maybe you shouldn’t have a second taco,” while he drinks his third beer.
This guy might be a treasure in other departments, but it’s almost impossible to live with someone who points out your every fault. Don’t let this relationship move too far ahead.
2. “I have zero intention of making anything of my life and expect you to support me.”
His honest dating profile might look a little something like this:
“Hi, I’m a 32-year-old male who likes to smoke weed and play X-Box with his pals. At first, you will enjoy my chill, laid back YOLO vibes. Eventually I will move into your place and do nothing while you work two jobs. I won’t clean while I also don’t look for a job. May take out trash occasionally after you threaten to kick me out.”
And number 1: “I have a hair trigger temper and will punish you physically for any infraction I perceive.”
Who knows what you did. But one day, after realizing you haven’t talked to your friends or family in months or been allowed to look at Facebook without him staring over your shoulder, you find yourself slumped against the wall he just hurled you against.
Men who beat their partners (and their kids) never announce their propensity for violence. They also say they never meant to hit you, even if they’ve done it four times. The best way to avoid this kind of man is to note any signs that he is controlling you and isolating you from any avenues of assistance.
If you find you are with a violent man, you can call 911. If you don’t feel safe contacting emergency services, you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE. Most importantly, this is never your fault. You deserve to be safe.