7 Things Men Wear that Women Hate

Every girl has her preferences, but there are some classic wardrobe blunders and baffling clothing trends for men that we all kind of loathe. We universally enjoy clean, properly fitting clothing of any kind on a guy, whether we’re a fancy dressy girl, a sporty girl, or a geeky girl. But some things just don’t look good on anyone, no matter what state those things are in or how fit the guy is.

Below are seven things men wear that turn off ninety-five percent of women. If you insist on wearing them, may the odds ever be in your favor, sir.

7. Flat brimmed hats that haven’t been broken in.

Nothing says “I am an actual tool” faster to a modern woman. If you look like you literally just walked out of the store with this hat on your head without paying for it, we’re judging.

If you liked this look in the ‘90s, congratulations: Justin Bieber pretty much ruined it for you. But also the passage of time ruined it for you, and the fact that a curved brim just frames your handsome face better.

6. Black socks and sandals.

The moment a woman sees this look, she assumes you are a married European grandfather. This one hundred percent defeats the purpose of wearing sandals or socks. It also sends the following message: “My doctor advised me that I am not healthy enough for sex. Please bring me a TV Guide and some Chex Mix.”

5. Skinny jeans.

On the opposite end of the sex repellant spectrum are skinny jeans. Sure, they’re super on trend, but what they tell women is that you are thinner than us, which we hate. They also tell us that you have somehow managed to wrangle your rod and tackle into an unyielding fabric, which seems uncomfortable, and perhaps indicative of other, er, issues.

4. Novelty shirts.

Look, we like a lot of the same cool stuff you do. But if you are wearing a shirt with a superhero or cartoon character or snarky statement EVERY time we see you, we’re going to assume you don’t have a job and live at home. You’re probably a programmer in an office with a lax dress code, but how are we to know that?

If you wear novelty tees to attract girls that are into the same stuff as you, we get it, but it would not kill you to throw a well fitting sport coat over it. That way you look sort of sophisticated AND fun, and it’s less embarrassing meeting you for a mid-priced lunch. You do you, boo, but with a slight upgrade. You’ve got this!

3. Fedoras.

I know you think you’re Indy or Sinatra in your head, but not when you pair the iconic head gear with a novelty tee shirt, polo, or anything other than a white button down. A lot of men (and women) also don’t get their fedoras fitted properly, so they look kind of like Wimpy from “Popeye”. Wimpy, for most chicks, is not a turn on.

2. Too much cologne.

When I was in high school, I dated a smokin’ hot guy for only six days. Why? He seemed to bathe in a bottle of Drakkar Noir daily. It was too much. I couldn’t breathe. All my girlfriends were jealous of me, but I dumped him because I could not obtain enough oxygen.

Let me teach you, my handsome friends, the best way to wear cologne so you do not chase women away.

1. Bathe daily.
2. Hold your arm about two feet in front of your chest. Spray the cologne ONCE, then walk into the cloud. PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN.
3. Rub your wrists on your chest and then rub your wrists on your neck. DO NOT REPEAT.

Congratulations. You are now irresistable and snuggle-able.

And number 1, Crocs.

Look, I’ve heard every argument for Crocs from every man in every walk of life. “I’m in the Navy and these are great for the shower!” Fine, keep them there.

“I’m a surgeon and these are comfortable when I’m standing over a patient for three hours!” Excellent. Don’t wear them outside of the surgical field.

“I’m a chef and I’m on my feet all day!” Yum! Make me something and then take those damned things off.

These. Do. Not. Make. Women. Fantasize. About. You. If that doesn’t help you hide them away like the trade secret they should be, I don’t know what will.