7 Weirdest Super-Hero Powers

As someone who’s a huge fan of comic books and superheroes, I’ve spent many a moment during my life fantasizing about how freaking awesome it would be to have superpowers like my favorite heroes, however, it wasn’t the classic abilities that always caught my attention, but the really wacky, bizarre ones.

I mean, sure, it’s cool to wear your underwear outside of your pants and go gallivanting through the skies whilst shooting lasers out of your eyes like Superman, but I’d rather be able to speak to rodents and organize them into an unstoppable army, prepared to devour my archenemy within a matter of seconds.

As strange as that might sound, that’s an actual superpower from an actual superhero in an actual comic book.

Kind of like my ability to use “actual” an insane number of times in one sentence. Here’s a list of other really weird superpowers that’ll make you go “hmm.”

1. Man-Eater Lad — Eats Everything

As a dude who absolutely LOVES to eat, Man-Eater Lad’s superpower is one I would thoroughly enjoy having, though it might make me the butt of fat jokes all over the world.

Man-Eater Lad is a hero from the planet Bismoll and is part of the Legion of Superheroes, and as the astute among you have probably already figured out, his power is, well, eating. A lot. Of everything.

No, seriously. This guy can eat wood, metal, fiberglass, you name it, he chows it down. The world is his smorgasbord. While at first such a power seems beyond absurd and a little pointless, the fact remains he can eat his way through practically any obstacle in his path.

2. Eye-Scream — Can Turn Into Any Flavor of Ice Cream

The X-Men comics have had no shortage of weirdos with oddball superpowers over the years, but Eye-Scream has got to be the strangest, and that’s really saying something.

So get this, Eye-Scream is a mutant who isn’t too happy with the X-Men because, well, they thought — like anyone with more than one brain cell — that his superpower was useless. What’s his power you ask? He can turn into any flavor of ice cream. Yes, I’m for real. Yes, it really is that stupid.

I can’t think of a single useful or helpful application for being able to turn oneself into ice cream, other than to creep into buildings under locked doors. Just imagine what happens to him during the dog days of summer.

3. Snowflame — Cocaine powers

There’s a lot of strange, off the wall superpowers on this list, but most of them are hilarious or at least a little fun in their eccentricities. That’s not the case with Snowflame, whose abilities stem from, well, snorting coke.

Yes, when Snowflame sniffs the white powder up his schnozz, he suddenly develops the super speed, strength, pain resistance, and pyrokinesis, hence the “flame” part of his really super inappropriate name.

I wish I were just making this up, but alas, this is all too real. A fictional character who gets his powers from doing the one thing PSAs and after school specials have warned us about for decades: doing drugs.

Just think. Someone got paid to write, draw, and publish a book with this character in it, and actually thought it would be a good idea.

4. Superman — ‘S’ Symbol Plastic Wrap Trap
Okay, so anyone who’s a big Superman fan will likely remember the awesomeness that is Richard Donner’s “Superman II,” which features infamous villain, General Zod.

Well, Supes apparently develops a new power in the film, which is revealed during the final battle at the end, when, all of a sudden, the Man of Steel yanks a gigantic S-shield plastic-wrap trap off of his chest to ensnare his enemies.

There’s never been any sort of explanation offered as to where, when, and why Superman possesses such a strange ability, and given it’s weirdness, it’s never been seen again in any medium.

5. Squirrel Girl — The Gift of Rodent Gab

Don’t be shocked by the fact you’ve not heard of one of the most powerful and underrated heroes in Marvel comics, because, unfortunately, the majority of fans have no clue who Squirrel Girl is or what her powers are all about.

Doreen Green, the infamous and awesome Squirrel Girl, is a mutant who was born with a huge, fluffy tail, lips that when kissed taste like walnuts, and the ability to communicate with squirrels.
I know what you’re thinking. How could this lady, with such a ridiculously silly power, be one of the most underrated heroes ever? Well, let’s just say her ability to mobilize her squirrel pals, along with her incredible reflexes and wits has enabled her to take down super villains like Thanos and Dr. Doom with ease, something her more serious powered buddies have failed to do on many occasions.

6. Bouncing Boy — Well, He, Uh, Bounces

Chuck Taine was just your average American kid growing up in the early 1960s until, by some strange accident, he consumed an experimental formula that he thought was his favorite fizzy drink.

The beverage transformed his body, enabling him to — wait for it — blow up his body like an inflatable bouncy ball and, well, bounce around without getting hurt.

Some of these are truly stupid beyond comprehension.

7. Zeitgeist — Vomiting

Okay, this superpower isn’t just weird, it’s utterly disgusting in every describable way. Alex Cluney is a mutant whose ability is to blow chunks. Perhaps his creator was inspired by watching Linda Blair spew pea soup all over the walls in “The Exorcist.”

Cluney, AKA Zeitgeist is able to vomit acid that can burn through 10-cm thick steel in less than half a minute. What’s even more disturbing is how he discovered this “gift.”

He accidentally threw up on a girl he was making out with and burned her face off. Oh don’t worry, she didn’t die, though I sense therapy for some serious PTSD in her future.