Toxic relationships is defined as “repeated, mutually destructive modes of relating between a couple. These patterns can involve jealousy, possessiveness, dominance, manipulation, desperation, selfishness or rejection” by PsychAlive.
Some examples include:
1.“If You Leave, I’ll Kill Myself”
If you and your partner are only together because the other one threatens to kill themselves if you leave, you are definitely in a toxic relationship and need to get out fast. It is never okay to trap a person in a relationship that they don’t want to be in for fear that you will hurt yourself (or worse) if they choose to break up with you. If both of you are doing this regularly, you don’t need a relationship – you need help.
2. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
You never communicate with your partner and you’re always ignoring them because they did something you didn’t like and you want them to know it. This is one of the signs that you’re living in a toxic relationship. If you’re intentionally refusing to talk to your significant other, you’re attempting to manipulate them and that’s just not cool.
3. Arguing Without Proper Communication
The flip-side to ignoring your partner without communication is constantly arguing with them without communication. While arguing and fighting is a small part of any relationship you find yourself in, arguing without attempting to resolve the issue causing the conflict (and even continuing to us it as an excuse to argue) is toxic.
4. Not Focusing On Your Individual Needs
Obviously when you’re in a relationship you want to do what is best for your partner and try to make them happy, but it’s possible to lose yourself in the pursuit of their needs. You don’t lose your individuality when you enter a relationship, and what you want and need are still valid. If everything you’re doing is focused on the desires of your partner and you’re letting your own well-being go to waste, you are not in a healthy relationship.
5. Personal Growth Is Met With A Negative Response
Part of being human is continuing to grow and learn throughout your entire life. When you or your partner changes (for the better) it should not be met with negativity or disdainfully being told that they’re “different now.” Personal growth should always be encouraged in any relationship you’re in, and if you’re with a person who can’t accept that, you need to bounce.
6. Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Your partner isn’t obligedto shower you with compliments 24/7, but if you feel like you don’t belong in your own relationship, there is a serious problem. Does your partner recognize your successes with you and help you learn from your failures, or do they roll their eyes and say that it’s “not a big deal”? If you can’t be happy for your partner when something good happens to them, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Nobody deserves to have their happiness trampled on, or feel like they’re not good enough for their own significant other.
7. Controlling Partner
Are they always asking you where you’re going, who you’re going to be with, how long you’ll be there and demanding that you come home at a certain hour? Are they your significant other and not your parents? Then you have a problem. There’s being concerned about someone you love, and then there is trying to control their lives. A caring partner doesn’t attempt to treat you like a piece of property – they recognize that you’re your own person and need to do the things you like. If you find yourself dreading the idea of accepting your friend’s coffee date invite because your partner will freak, get out of that relationship immediately.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, be it between romantic partners, businessmen or friends. In a romantic relationship, there has to be a certain level of trust afforded to each party. If you start getting paranoid and demanding their passwords, their phone and their social media profiles, you’re creating a toxic environment for your relationship and it will not end well. If you have reason to not trust your partner (previous cheating, lying, etc.) then that’s something you need to deal with between yourselves or under the supervision of a therapist. Treating your partner like a child and invading their privacy will only harm your relationship.
Similar to paranoia, jealousy is a rot that will destroy your relationship from the inside if you let it. If someone comes up and says a polite “hello” to your significant other and your immediate reaction is to scream at them, you are toxic. Your partner is allowed to have relationships outside of yours as long as they don’t cross the boundaries that were mutually decided at the beginning of the relationship. No, not everyone who talks to your significant other wants to wants to sleep with them, and not everyone your significant other talks to is their secret lover. Jealousy is an ugly trait that can ruin your relationship if you let it.