1. One Note Casanova
Sex is one of those things that will never be equal between men and women. Women just need to show up, look good and be willing, men need to have skills. Unfair as it is, it’s true. I hear men say all the time that there is no such thing as bad sex because any sex is good sex and only no sex is bad. Women, on the other hand, would never utter such nonsense because unless that woman is a nun, she’s had bad sex…more than once. If your technique is lacking, chances are your sex life will diminish and rapidly.
2. Low Sex Drive (age problem/medical issues)
Getting older can suck for many reasons but a diminished sex drive takes top honors for me. I can muddle through arthritis, hearing loss and wrinkles but the idea of a sex drive in the tank because of a dried-up vagina or a limp rod really bums me out. There are other medical conditions that can kill sex in your marriage.
For women: Menopause/perimenopause, Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD), sexual pain disorders and orgasm disorders.
For men: Erectile Dysfunction, hormone imbalance, HIV, diabetes and some systemic illnesses.
3. Partner Neglect
If you’re too busy doing things that are important to only you rather than spending quality time with your spouse, your relationship will pay the price. Intimacy requires contact and it’s more than just grunting through a meal and reading a book/computer/phone screen near your partner. You must communicate, interact and spend some time together. Quality trumps quantity in relationships so make sure you are giving each other what you need because of you don’t…dry sheets. Partner neglect can also lead to our very next thing that causes a sexless marriage.
This doesn’t really take a rocket scientist to figure out, right? When a spouse is getting sexually fulfilled outside the marriage they don’t seek sex at the same rate as before. Cheaters have a habit of treating their spouse badly by starting fights, gaslighting them, making them feel bad about themselves. Sure, there are moments of guilt filled with flowers and gifts but those are occasional. Conversely, if you’re being cheated on you really don’t want to have sex with the person who’s cheating on you and this may surprise the cheaters out there but people who are being cheated on…know it.
5. Unresolved Anger
Fighting with your spouse is bad not resolving the issue or having closure and forgiveness is worse. Unresolved issues lead to a lot of pettiness and that makes for nights with extra sleep. I don’t know about you but when I’m angry at my man it can make things so dry in my sexy place that I squeak when I walk. There’s no sex happening when issues linger, it kills desire and if they never get addressed…it kills the marriage.
If you’ve ever seen commercials for any prescription medication, you know that there isn’t a pill on the market that doesn’t have more possible side effects than benefits. Anti-depressants, birth control, pain killers, anti-seizure and antihistamines can kill the sex drive of both men and women. There are others than can cause flaccidity (erectile dysfunction) in men: alcohol, amphetamines, barbiturates, heroin, opium, cocaine and methadone just to name a few.
How much of a turn on do you think it is if you are constantly being criticized, nitpicked or scolded? Scrutiny in a marriage happens because humans aren’t perfect and we make mistakes. There’s a limit to how much any person can take before it starts affecting your marital relations. The biggest issue with this is that we fall into patterns that become tough to break and if you’re habit is nitpicking your spouse it’s going to kill your sex life. Nitpicking is often a result of unresolved anger, try communicating or get used to going solo in the sack.
I hesitate to say porn addiction because most porn addicts are in denial of it, so, if you watch enough porn that your spouse is nagging you about it, it’s too much. Porn does a lot of damage if it’s a solo activity. Porn creates a lack of intimacy between partners because of the isolating aspect, trust issues arise, unreal expectations tend to get put upon your partner, and it also objectifies both men and women. These things will often carry over into your relationship and it will lead to less and less sex. The addict will simply gratify himself/herself because it’s easier and the partner will be ignored.
Sex can if you’re not careful become mechanical and have no variety. Boring and crummy sex can lead to cheating/porn use/nagging or worse than that it can lead to indifference. Indifference isn’t just a sex killer, it’s a marriage killer.
10. Mental health /Stress
There are mental disorders that can kill your sex drive: depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD, personality disorders and psychosis disorders. Not only can these affect the person who has them, they can also affect the partner of the afflicted. I know a guy whose former spouse has Borderline Personality Disorder and during the run of their marriage she had sex with dozens of men and women. Dozens. He had no idea if she used protection but he knew he wasn’t going to have sex with her anymore, he likened her vagina to a cave filled with dynamite and his penis was not going to be the match.
There is also regular run of the mill stress. Stress is exhausting and when it’s constant sex is the biggest casualty. Stress affects our hormones and elevated levels of certain hormones will suppress your sex hormones which kills desire.