The 20 funniest one-liners on the internet

The World Wide Web is rife with puns and quick gags, but the ones below had to elicit at least one good chortle to make it to the list. Give yourself a quick break for a quick laugh with these twenty funny one liners that are mostly safe for work (though the last one might earn you a write up from HR).

20. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

19. I’ve never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.

18. Nowadays, there’s no more nostalgic people like in the good old times.

17. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

16. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.

15. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

14. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

13. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.

12. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

11. My wife said no gift would make her happier than a diamond necklace, so I didn’t get her anything.

10. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

9. It is so cold outside, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

8. I, for one, like Roman numerals.

7. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is — scaring men is easy.

5. An intellectual is someone who can listen to the “William Tell Overture” without thinking of “The Lone Ranger”.

4. Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”

3. My dog used to chase people on a bike so often, I finally I had to take his bike away.

2. I have a step ladder, but never knew my real ladder.

And number 1…
You have to hand it to blind prostitutes.

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