Everyone always wants to know what they can do to have a healthy relationship. There are many things you can do but more importantly are the things you should not do. I’m not talking about the big obvious mistakes like cheating or abusing your partner, I’m talking about the more insidious, seemingly harmless things that are guaranteed to destroy any relationship.
Relationships are built on trust without it you have nothing. Lying erodes that foundation and it is very hard to get back to a place of trust once you’ve been caught lying.There are many ways you can be deceptive in a relationship and you may not realize it. Telling your partner that you only want to be with them and then being a jerk and pushing them away when they are with you or saying I love you and only you but never having any time for them sends mixed messages and that is a form of deception. Using deception and lies will cause your partner to question everything you say and do and no relationship will survive the constant doubt.
2. Not listening to your partner.
When your partner wants to express themselves, or tell you something that has upset them – if you interrupt them with a counterpoint or you’re constantly thinking about your response to them, you are NOT listening to them. How can you and your partner effectively communicate and fix your issues if you aren’t hearing what is being said? If it’s more important to you to battle your partner or prove them wrong than it is to listen and respect them – you will destroy your relationship.
3. Holding grudges.
You’ve talked it to death and they apologized but you’re still mad. Maybe you didn’t believe they were sorry but if that’s the case – you should have addressed it then. The point of talking it out is so you can forgive and move on. Holding grudges is not moving on. Bring up issue X again in a different argument is a problem because if you both agree to move past the issue but you didn’t, you have broken trust. You are a liar. Let it go or lose your partner. Is it really worth the loss of the relationship because he didn’t squeeze the toothpaste the way you like it?
4. Not communicating effectively.
You can’t get mad because your partner doesn’t instinctively know what you want or need. They are not psychic and neither are you, you need to tell them. You will be much happier if you spell it out, if you’re not clear with your partner about your wants and needs – you will be miserable and make your partner miserable too.
5. Neglecting the needs of your partner.
Whether they are emotional or physical, choosing to neglect your partner has a cause and effect on the relationship. If their needs are being ignored, they won’t feel compelled to satisfy your needs either and worse they will look to get them satisfied elsewhere. This will destroy your relationship very fast.
Relationships are partnerships that require equality. If everything is always about you and only you -it won’t last. There are times when one partner needs more attention or support than the other, requires leaning on their partner because of trauma or emotional stressors. That isn’t selfish, that is the normal up and down of any relationship. I’m not talking about those occasions, I’m talking about a pattern of behavior that seems to be that one person believes themselves to be the most important and always needs to be the center – the who only takes and never gives. Selfishness will kill your relationship.
7. Silent treatment.
The silent treatment has been called the deadly emotional assassin. The reason it kills a relationship is because it is used to control the other partner and effectively stops the communication. When you stop communicating you can’t fix any issues that rise. If your response to upset or criticism is to go silent, you really aren’t controlling anything – you are telling your partner that their concerns aren’t important to you and aren’t worth addressing. They will get the message and your relationship will end when they decide that they deserve better…and it won’t be long.