There are two seasons where young women with more hormones than sense are guaranteed to flaunt what God gives those under 25: bodies unaffected by gravity. Those seasons are Halloween and Prom.
Prom used to be at least passingly chaste (in appearance) as it was often the first formal dance teenagers ever attend. Now with a formal event every other month from freshman year on, every girl who just turned 18 seems to want to do something extra special for senior year. And questionable clothing manufacturers are happy to provide.
I’m not sure that these qualify as special so much as cries for help, but young ladies who choose these outfits are certainly having none of their school’s dress code interfere with their Night Under the Stars, or the Sea, or to Remember, or whatever their theme is.
15. Do Knot Wear This.
In order to sneak out of the house to attend prom, the young woman on your left knitted some pink satin bed sheets together. She then appears to have just worn that to the dance.
14. The Feathered Figure Skater.
Even Tonya Harding wouldn’t have worn this to her prom.
13. An actual nightie, probably.
This is actually advertised as a bridesmaid’s gown, also. Is this wedding or prom at Vivid Video? This is the sort of nightwear a lady dons to put the spice back in her marriage. I can’t see a child exiting a limo in this.
12. Under the sea??
Maybe these two are mermaids that just grew legs for the night to dance with handsome princes. This is the only demure explanation I can come up with for these garments.
11. Wait, did a parent take this picture?!
The dress alone is horrifying, but the pose with the date is barely safe for work, let alone prom.
10. The “Oh, This One’s Not Too…OH MY GOD, DORIS, SHE’S FALLING OUT!”
This is nearly almost sweet, except for the completely unreliable-looking neckline.
9. The Whitesnake Video Costume.
This is perfectly suitable, and in fact encouraged, if one is over 18 and starring in an ‘80s hair rock video. It might make your principal drop dead of a coronary, though, so choose wisely.
8. The lingerie prom…even this kid is judging.
Pictures don’t tell the entire story; maybe a microsecond later, the kid in the back was all smiles. But in this instant, captured for all time on the Internet, it kind of looks like the moment he lost all respect for women.
7. The “Look, Ma! No Panties!”
MTV Video Awards? Fine. Grammys? Still fine. Debuting at the Spearmint Rhino? Totally amazing. But letting your prom date AND your 5th period calculus teacher know you’re not wearing any underwear? Yeah, maybe rethink this choice.
6. The warrior princess.
Confession: I actually kind of love of this because I fully expect her to have a sword strapped to her back. She looks ready to help He-Man defend Eternia.
5. The Slutty Version of My Own Prom Dress.
I wore something similar to this, but there were no cut outs with lace. I also had a sweetheart neckline instead of this plunging video-game warrior-princess situation.
4. The Damaged Couch.
I feel like this is what you wear when you love afternoon tea and Jane Austen, but also want your parents to simultaneously die of strokes.
3. NO WHY WHAT IS THf
I can’t even snark on this. These are somebody’s daughters. Why was this allowed? This is Vegas pool party attire!
2. Tied Up in Russiac
This young lady is apparently Russian, where it is okay to attend prom looking like you are going to a cosplay fetish ball.
And number 1, the “MY GOD, CHILDREN ARE THERE!” Gown.
I have worn bathing suits with more material than this prom dress. I think I’ve actually sneezed into something with more material than this prom dress.
And to make things even more horrifying, there are small girls in the background. Thankfully, their attention seems to be diverted elsewhere, and not on this young woman’s remarkably even tan.